I have a lot of thoughts, prayers, emotions, challenges, and you name it rolling around in my head that I am wanting to get out - so here goes (sorry if I lose any of you; but I think I am mostly writing this post for me anyways).
This week I came across Hebrews 11:5 "If they had been thinking of the country they left they would have had opportunity to return." The author is talking about some heros of the bible and how they were not thinking of the country they had left but of another country - the country of God's promise. They were thinking about heaven and God's kingdom. What hit me was that God says the reason they were able to stand on faith and hope is that they were not thinking about the country they left - they were not focused on the past. I was really hit with how much I focus on my past and what if things had been different. Will really it does not matter if they had been different they are in the past; lets leave them there and live for what God has today. I am not saying that we should not remember the past - I think there times it is good to remember the past, but I think we (I) can tend to live there some times. "Okay God I want to live with a kingdom mind set and not dwell in the past." That was my prayer this week.
Then on Friday I found out that a good friend had lost their baby in miscarriage. Having had a miscarriage a few years ago this really hit me hard. (Maybe it is just the hormones - I do not know but it hit me really hard). I was (and am) an emotional basket case over it. I know that what I am going through emotionally is nothing compared to my friend but I have been having a hard time figuring out why this was hitting me like that ( I have had other close friends that have lost babies and it was not hitting me like this), until today I figured out what was going on. Satan was trying to get me to live in the past of all the confusion and emotions of what I went through, and he was trying to get me to compare what I went through with and what help I got or did not get with what she is going through and what help she is getting or not getting. So today I say shut-up satan and get behind me. Those are all things in the past and I choose not to live there, I choose not to return to the country I came form. I choose to look for the land God has promised me, and I choose to walk along side my friend and not compare.
I also went to a seminary yesterday by Beth Moore about "So Long Insecurity." She talked about being a Secure women and what that women looked like. Which fits into this because a secure women would have a kingdom mind set. She used 6 statements that a secure women is. A secure women is:
1. Saved from herself.
2. Entitled to truth.
3. Clothed in intention.
4. Upended by grace.
5. Rebounded by love.
6. Exceptional in life.
Of course she expanded on all of those points, but one of the things that stuck out to me was the we have to choose to be secure we will not just become a secure women by standing here. We have a choose that today I am going to be all those things and let go of my insecurities or I am going to be the some I was yesterday and hold on to all that yuck. So today I choose to let go of my insecurities and be a secure women. "God knew exactly what He was doing when he created me woman and He wants me to be blessed by it."
Then in church today the sermon was about consciously choosing. So this week I pray that I will consciously choose to not dwell on the past but to look for the land that God has promised, I will live each day for what God has made it to be and walk in it, and I choose to give up my insecurities.